“[T]he puppies were using him as a food source”

August 12, 2008

Puppies maul abandoned cancer patient.

Maximum Clonage

August 10, 2008

That thing in the news earlier this week about the cloned puppies?

Turns out the woman who contracted the clones of her beloved pet has a dark secret in her past.

Bernann McKinney has admitted that she is Joyce McKinney, who thirty one years ago was charged with kidnapping a Mormon missionary and using him as her personal sex slave.  McKinney denies the charges, which she’s avoided for the past few decades after jumping bail.

She claims that woman does not exist, says that she is innocent and that “I don’t want that garbage in with the puppy story.”

“I didn’t rape no 300-pound man.  He was built like a Green Bay Packer.”

She was also arrested in 1984 for stalking the Mormon man’s workplace.  Rope and handcuffs were found in her car, along with detailed notes on the man.  She disappeared before her trial and the case was dismissed.

According to a clerk in McKinney’s hometown, she’s been a frequent defendant in several cases.  Charges include passing bad checks, threatening another woman, assault on public officials and animal cruelty.

And she passed herself off as a screenwriter while in South Korea to procure the services of the cloning company.

This lady ain’t that bright.

Conneticut Police Find Pipe Bomb Stuffed Inside Chicken

June 11, 2008

Yes, that headline is correct.  Here’s the article’s full text:

Authorities in Connecticut are wondering who stuffed a raw roasting chicken with a pipe bomb and left it on a roadside.

Simsbury police Capt. Matthew Catania says a motorist noticed the chicken Friday morning. He says the bomb was large enough to harm a person if it went off.

The road was closed while the Hartford Police Department’s bomb squad came and blew up the chicken.

Nobody was injured. No arrests had been made Monday night.